Answer:
Overall, I think this summary is well-thought-over and descriptive, including important details and claims to back them up. However, I think you can make you sentences longer, for example, "When Thomas Wood McLain volunteered for pharmacy school, he was sent Thomas to Fort Sam Houston, Texas. For three months he was a pharmacist, and in his two years as a pharmacist, he fulfilled his enlistment and was released from the army on August 25 1950." Longer, smoother sentences will make your response a lot more interesting, and pleasing to the eye.